Grief comes hand in hand with loss and contrary to 'experts' it never leaves. To others looking on it can appear that life goes on and grief leaves but it doesn't it finds a place in our lives. As was our love for our loved one, it is in it for the long haul.
In the early days, grief is all consuming. You are literally in a constant fog. Everything seems surreal. Nothing feels real. It is like you are in a dream or mores a nightmare which you hope you might wake up from but you know you won't. So remove anything that could cause additional stress to the person or family. Remember everyone, often family members get lost in the background. There is no hierarchy to grief. Everyone touched by the loss will need support.
Let them know you are there. Morning, noon or night. You are there. Cook meals and bring food, basic bare essentials. All these things get forgotten when someone is in deep pain. Often they will not eat much if at all but eventually their bodies will allow them to take on nourishment.
They actually don't expect you to be able to fix their pain. Just that someone cares enough to sit with them, hold their hand, just be present. It could be 1 day, 1 week, 1 year, they will always have moments they will be filled with tears.
Shouldn't you be over it by now?
There is no over it. Let's get that straight from the get go.
They are at peace.
Also provides very little comfort especially in the early days. You just want the loved one back. You are not even at the point of coming to terms with their absence.
They wouldn't want you to be sad.
I'm sure we know that already but the reality is we are. Short of our loved one walking in the door nothing will change that.
At least you have other children.
Loss is associated with a person. Where you think it might be comforting to have 'replacements' the loss of one person be that a child or anyone else cannot be filled by the being of another.
Say their name. Don't be afraid to talk about them. Those who are grieving are terrified that they will be forgotten and although they may cry it is tears of relief as well that they are being acknowledged. So .. talk about them. Remind them of the stories. The good. The bad. Everything.
We have been blessed to have been introduced to an amazing organisation Sarz Sanctuary. Their mission is to give people dealing with traumatic grief space to breathe, regain control of their lives and find their personal pathway to peace and healing.
Julie and Mark are inspirational founders who despite their own loss have established a way in which their beautiful much loved daughter Sara‘s essence can continue to spread love and hope in the now and into the future.
Julie and Mark via their online platform have a wealth of information regarding grief and loss and as we have come to know we don't have to be experts in everything, sometimes simply a conduit to good helpful information such as is what you will find at Sarz Sanctuary.
Our village as we knew it changed almost as dramatically as our lives following the loss of our son.
We have come to connect to some very special people who have helped us so much. Most would not even realise how much they have. Karen is one of these people. Karen understands our loss and grief. She lives it ever day as do we. However, Karen has channelled her loss into something that can only be described as inspirational. Karen is a counsellor, energy healer and intuitive coach specialising in grief.
Karen has written 2 wonderful books we highly recommend and not just for those experiencing grief or loss but also for anyone wanting to reevaluate how they see life.